“You know what I love about being in this family?” Katie asked me one day after school.
“That you support my dreams.”
“What do you mean?”
“When I want to do something I’m interested in, you make it easy,” she replied. “I realize that if I want something in life, I have to work for it; but it’s nice to know that when I need a new color of polish for a nail art design or if I want to see my favorite music group when it comes to town, you’ll make it happen.”
Katie was right. I make her progress a priority because I don’t want my daughters to succeed in spite of their parents. I want it to be, at least in some small part, because of us. It’s the reason that I talked to musicians to find out the best guitar to buy when they both wanted to take lessons. And it’s why I agreed to have my oldest at school by 7:45 a.m. every day for six weeks this summer so she can free up a slot during the school year to take photography.
At times, the list of tasks can seem endless and the amount of appreciation in short supply. Maybe that’s why I was so surprised when Katie thanked me for helping her to pursue her passions. According to developmental psychologist Robert Kegan, children under sixteen years of age (and 15% of adults) operate out of a level of consciousness where they see another person in terms of what he or she can do for them. In this egocentric stage, people can’t imagine the feelings of others and focus only on their own needs and desires.
Watching my oldest step out of this mindset for long enough to be grateful to someone else made me even more motivated to say “yes” when she made her latest request: “Mom, would you help me find something that will work to organize my art supplies?”
The words were music to this organized mother’s ears. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing when there’s no place to put it, and the mess in Katie’s room had been bothering me for long enough that I quickly agreed to fund her latest project.
One 10-drawer craft cart and a nail polish rack was all it took to restore Katie’s bedroom to a serene sanctuary. And as I looked around her clutter-free surroundings, Proverbs 14:23 came to mind as I remembered that all hard work really does bring a profit; and when you help your kids to achieve their goals, once in a while they return the favor by completing one of yours.