“Put your coats away when you get in the house; I don’t want to see them lying on the floor,” I called out to the girls as they jumped out of the van.

“Your shoes, too,” I added a short while later when I came in from the garage and caught my oldest slipping upstairs without putting hers away.

Begrudgingly, Katie returned to the scene of her crime to dispose of the evidence. When the floor was clear of all footwear, she examined the clutter-free space and proudly announced: “I am the biggest blessing to this family.”

Katie acted like she was doing me a favor, but I was not about to play the role of over-appreciative parent. My daughter’s days of being praised for mastering basic life-skills (like picking up after herself) were over. Still, it didn't keep Katie from continuously pointing out her contribution to our family—like a few weeks ago when she was sweeping the kitchen floor and said: “How will you keep up with the house after we go to college?”

“You seem to be forgetting that a lot of the work will go with you,” I explained as I scrubbed a spot that Katie missed.

“Like what?”

“Like doing your laundry, cooking for you, picking up after you, and taking you to all of your activities.”

“You’ll still have to do laundry,” she argued.

“Not as much,” I assured her.

Katie didn’t believe me then and she was unconvinced now as I reminded our “biggest blessing” that we are fortunate to have each other. I could have left it at that. Many parents—even Old Testament ones—have humored children at the expense of teaching them humility. Like King David, who refused to discipline his son Absalom for plotting to take over the throne. Or the prophet Eli, who did nothing as sons Hophni and Phinehas treated the Lord’s offering with contempt. Both fathers learned the hard way that, by failing to set kids strait, we set them up for failure.

I don’t want to destroy my daughter’s future because I’m too paralyzed or preoccupied to provide discipline in the present. Author Jim Burns doesn’t want this to happen either. In chapter six his book Confident Parenting, he offers passive moms and dads this action-oriented advice: “Sometimes parents equate leniency with love, but in reality, leniency is a very dysfunctional kind of love. … Deep down, kids desire order and balance.” [i]

 “Look at discipline not as something you do to your child, but what you do for your child.” The author explained. “We discipline our kids so that in the long run, they will accept responsibility for their actions and at the same time learn accountability.” [ii]

That’s what I was hoping for when I stopped Katie from walking upstairs to ask: “What does the bible say about building ourselves up?”

I presented this question, not just to see if she knew the verse, but because I was struggling to recall it myself.